Do I HAVE To Go Home?

Camp was over.  At least, that is all Kathy could think about as she endured the bumpy bus ride back to Kingston.  She was 16 and had just decided to try what her camp counselors were recommending: this Jesus fellow.  They had encouraged the campers to practise getting up early and spending some time reading the Bible.  They had even given them little booklets which recommended certain passages for them to read.  "For the first time in my life, I actually wanted to read the Bible," Kathy muses.  But she remembers fearing what would happen to her new-found commitment to Christ, without the wake-up whistle and the daily routines at camp.

Broken Promises

Kathy's fears were realized as priorities of school, dancing, swimming and family overtook her life.  At the same time, her social life was waning. She remembers: "It was a rough time in life for me.  I basically lost all my friends when I told them I had become a Christian. I didn't know what to do with myself... I felt so empty."  Her vows from the summer were broken, then forgotten, and replaced by the unfulfilling pleasures of carnival blowouts and meaningless flings.  Kathy spent her days smiling but her nights were filled with thoughts of depression and suicide.

Lisa Lindo, a former camp counselor, called her one night wanting to rekindle a Bible study that Kathy had once attended when she was 13.  Lisa, now Kathy's good friend, recounts, "It was just time to start back... [but] Kathy was the only one that showed up that night."  They both laugh about it now, although Kathy was quite embarrassed at the time.  They ended up going to another friend's Bible study. 

New Kid on the Block

She recalls the awkwardness she felt, being around these people she had never met.  Should she speak?  It would be weird if she didn't say something!  What if she did speak but what she said was all wrong? "I don't think I even know what the topic was that night... all I could think of was what they were thinking of me."  Everyone else seemed so comfortable and open and she was just so... new!  Surprisingly they shared their experiences openly, "as if I'd always been a part of the group.  I felt honoured," Kathy reflects.  She remembers going home that night feeling welcomed and eager to return the following week.

Finding Family

During the weeks that followed, she felt more and more like a part of a family.  The group shared jokes and hurts.  They ate together, studied the Bible together, prayed for each other and even supported each other's extra-curricular activities.  Kathy accredits the development of some of her best personality traits to her experiences in this family.  She is particularly thankful for the skills she gained in resolving conflicts in a Christian manner.  She learnt how to do the difficult thing - discuss the issue directly with the other person, forgiving them completely. 

The group also helped Kathy's confront her self-esteem issues. "It was hard to understand that people cared for me, just as I was.  That Jesus cares for me, just as I am.  They helped me to change my point of view."  

It's been nine years since the small group dissolved but Kathy will always treasure the experience.  Small groups, like care groups, cell groups and bible studies, are still a weekly occurrence in her routine. "I've found a practical, tangible experience of God in these people who became my friends and mentors.  I am encouraged when I feel inadequate, comforted when I am sad, corrected when I err and praised in my successes.  I'm fulfilled now" she says. 

And she looks it!

Kathy Bertram, 27, is singer, sonwriter, playwright, AND a counselor at Moorlands Christian Camp.  She attends Swallowfield Chapel where she serves with the Discovery Teens Ministry.